Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love having hate sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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