The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
