I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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