Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
