i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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