I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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