hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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