I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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