When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
