Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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