I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
