I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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