PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
