summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
