Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
