That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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