I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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