my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
