I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
