I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
