I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
