STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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