its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
