Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
