Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
