we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
