I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
