I'm eating all of the evidence.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
