Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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