i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
