My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
