is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
