I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
