if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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