Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
