chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
