i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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