I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
