It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
