i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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