and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
