she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
