I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
