Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
