So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
