I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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