Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
