God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
