Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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