i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
